


Practice

by aones_lost_eyebrows



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Competition, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Karasuno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:40:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28034799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aones_lost_eyebrows/pseuds/aones_lost_eyebrows
Summary: Suzuki Niko wants to help bring Karasuno's Girls Volleyball Team to victory, but in order to do that she needs help from a particularly sour boy..
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Oc, Tsukishima Kei/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter One

1

[Suzuki’s POV]

\------

Every time I felt like I was on top of the world, I got smacked right back down. 

My hands slammed against the court as I glared up at my opponents on the other side of the net. 

Another shut out. 

With a huff, I got back up and into position. That was the fifth time those girls had blocked the spike that had gotten past so many players, and it was still only the first set. I got in position, my nails digging into my thighs as I waited for the whistle to blow. All I could do was keep trying- not only with my spikes, but I needed to make sure that the rest of my game was fierce.

As the match went on, I kept getting shut out. I couldn’t see the court. All I could see was the two girls who seemed to tower over me on the other side of the net. 

I wasn’t by any means a tiny player. Standing at about 5’3” I was average height for a girl- but slightly below average for a girl who plays volleyball. The rest of my team stood a good four inches above me, and our opponents had players that hit the 5’10”, maybe even 6’ range. But what I lacked in height, I made up for in tenacity and spirit. I hated losing almost as much as I loved winning. While only a first year, I had quickly become the one to lift spirits up during workouts and practice matches. But passion doesn’t get the ball over those damned blocks.

The practice match ended with us losing straight sets. It's not that Karasuno’s Girls Volleyball Team was bad, we all just had a lot to work on. And I know that our captain, Michimiya, feels the pressure this year. It's her final season and she’s committed to not letting it end early.

The girls and I said good game and waved goodbye as the other team went for their bus. 

We all huffed and gathered around Michimiya as she did her best to cheer us up. I didn’t feel completely defeated- it was only the first practice match of the season and none of the first years, including myself, had had a ton of experience yet when it came to high school volleyball. 

I played throughout junior high and was decent, which is why I wanted to play at Karasuno where both of my siblings had played volleyball. I remembered going to their tournaments and being fascinated by how smooth they looked out on the court, everything was so connected within the team. But that was a long time ago, Karasuno isn’t the powerhouse it used to be.

Michimiya and our coach wrapped up their notes for us and told us to run laps as our punishment for losing. I didn’t blame them, we could probably use the conditioning too if I’m being quite honest.  
As I ran around the court, feeling the slight aching in my legs with each bounding step, I lost myself in thought. I just needed to get my timing better- Aoki’s sets were fine, I just needed to match myself up with them a little better. 

The team finished their laps and we all sat around and began our cool-down. Michimiya laid beside me as we stretched. She looked a little defeated.

“Hey,” I said, “It was only our first match. We can only go up from here, right?” A soft smile came across my face as I tried to cheer her up.

“I know, Suzuki, but it’s just hard. I really want this season to be different, you know?” She stared up at the ceiling and let out a sigh. 

“Any advice for how I should get over those blocks next time?” I asked.

Michimiya let out a quiet laugh, “All I can think of to say right now is just try getting a little higher. It is going to be difficult to practice against our own girls, seeing as that we aren't exactly bringing much height to the court this year…” She pauses for a moment, then turns towards me, “If I’m being honest, you’re a really good volleyball player and we’re lucky to have you on the team this year- I really do want to see you succeed.” 

I felt my face get hot from the compliment, “O-Oh, thank you Michimiya-senpai.” 

“Would you be up to not only practicing with the girls, obviously, but I think I might ask Daichi if he and some of the others from the team would stick around after their practices and block for you. I mean, if you can figure out how to get around someone who is six feet tall then you can get around someone who is 5’10”, right?”

I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling, but I felt like they were about to burst out of my head.

The boys volleyball team?

I knew two of the first years on the team, Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei. 

Yamaguchi and I had grown up as next door neighbors, and I had nothing against him. He was definitely a quiet kid, but he had always been really nice to me. When we were younger, I felt like the two of us were always together. There was a creek near our houses and I would constantly drag him with me when I wanted to look for frogs and salamanders. He always just sat on a rock as I waded through the water, but I was just happy to have the company. The two of us were really close friends until he met Tsukishima Kei, the cool guy. Yamaguchi and I are still friendly, but he and Tsukishima have been attached at the hip for years now, which I had always been a little bit bitter about.

Tsukishima and I were not the biggest fans of one another, obviously. We had gone to the same junior high and always seemed to be silently competing with one another- who would have the better lunch that day, who got the better grade, and who was better at volleyball. 

Our teams in junior high would occasionally practice together for fun, but it was never fun. Tsukishima had always towered over everyone in the class and each time I went to spike the ball he would smack it right back down, sometimes right back into my face. He told the coaches each time that it happened that he would never purposely block the ball in a way that would hit me, but the smug look on his face once he turned away from the coaches and towards me told me that he was lying.

Just thinking about the possibility of having Tsukishima block me again made my blood boil, the way that he carried himself on and off the court just pissed me off. I clenched my fists by my side and brought myself back into Karasuno’s gymnasium.

“Suzuki? Does that sound okay to you?” Michimiya asked.

I turned to face her and with a tight smile, I nodded, “Sounds great.”

She jumped up from her stretch with a grin plastered across her face, “Awesome! I just know that this is going to work! Daichi has already been talking to me about the team this year and I think that they’re going to be a big help not only for you, but for the rest of our team as well! We’re gonna totally kill it at our first tournament!” She beamed.

It was nice that her energy had changed from being defeated about a practice match to being excited about the season to come, but I felt that her joy was at my own expense. 

But, if my captain thinks that practicing with some of the boys occasionally will help us win, then I guess that is what I have to do.

\--------

[Author’s Note: Hey!!! Just trying out this idea I had for a Tsukki fic!! Sorry if the chapters are a bit short at first, just trying to find my groove with my writing!]


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuki prepares for her first practice with the boys, and Tsukishima is just as sour as she remembers.

Michimiya found me during lunch the next day with a warm smile on her face.

“Hey Suzuki! How’s it going?” 

I had just taken a bite out of a sweet pepper, so I held up my finger to her, signaling to wait a second.

“Oh, goodness,” She blushed, “Sorry, take your time!” I swallowed.

“Sorry! Just caught me off guard with that bite a little bit,” I waved off her apology, “I’m alright, you?” Mishimiya took a seat beside me and began to unpack her own lunch. 

“I’m good! I’m actually glad I caught you just now- I spoke to Daichi about you practicing with some of the other guys,” She paused to take a bite of an apple, “And he said that he’d totally be willing to give it a try! I think that this is going to be so awesome!”

I nodded along as she gave me the details of how these mock practices were going to work. I was mostly paying attention, but in all honesty I wasn’t as psyched up as she was. First of all, it felt weird to be practicing with people other than the girls on the team. It felt especially weird practicing with all guys. And on top of that, since Tsukishima has quite a bit of height to him, I’m sure that Daichi will have him at these practices. Second of all, what if they don’t do me or the team any good? What if I can’t get around their blocks and I’m still stuck at square one by the Interhigh Tournament? 

I tried to shove my doubts to the back of my head while Mishimiya finished up telling me about my new practice schedule- some of the guys would be sticking around after their afternoon practices and block for me for as long as they were up for it. 

“… So after both of our practices finish up just go over to the boys’ gym and find Daichi or the team manager, Shimizu Kiyoko.”

I nodded and gave her a thumbs up as I continued to eat my peppers, “Am I going to be doing this until the tournament?” I asked.

Mishimiya shrugged in response, “Depends, I guess. I think you should practice with them at least until the tournament, or until you can get past blocks.”

If I have to do it until I can get past the blocks of that god-forsaken string bean, I’ll be practicing with them until the end of my high school career…   
“Ok.”

We continued to eat the rest of our lunch and made small talk- about classes, volleyball, the weather. To be honest I didn’t really want to keep talking to her, not because I didn’t like Mishimiya but I still felt awkward around her since she was my superior. Once we finished up our lunches we waved goodbye and went to our respective classrooms to continue our school day. 

\----

I was on edge all of practice, and the other girls definitely took notice. As we went through our drills they kept prodding me about my practice with the boys. 

“Suzuki, you’ll have to tell me everything about Azumane Asahi after you see him- he’s so handsome!” One girl squealed.

“Is this just an excuse for you to go hang out with those guys? I mean I’ve seen some of their players, I wouldn’t blame you…” Another chimed in.

“I’ve heard that they have a lot of talented first years, too. Like Kageyama Tobio and Tsukishima Kei!” Several girls began to fawn over the mention of the two boys. I rolled my eyes at even the thought of a girl enjoying Tsukishima’s presence. 

I didn’t know much about Kageyama Tobio other than the fact that I had heard of him and that he was a great setter. For as much as I was nervous and slightly annoyed about having to practice with the guys, admittedly I was a little excited to see some of the talent up close. 

As the girls continued to list off the players they wanted me to report back on, I just smiled along and continued on with practice as normally as I could. 

The girls’ practice eventually came to an end and suddenly my feet felt like they had bricks tied to the end of them. I was standing with my bag in hand almost out of the gym door, but I couldn’t do it. My nerves began to bubble in my stomach and I felt it boiling up into my throat.

I really didn’t want to do this by myself. 

It’s not that I needed someone to hold my hand to walk me there, or another girl to come practice with me. I never had a problem doing things on my own.

Aside from Yamaguchi, growing up I was never one to have particularly close friends. I was friendly with a lot of people, always sociable. But most days after school I went home and helped my mother in the garden, or waded in the creek looking for frogs. I was perfectly content doing things on my own.

But this felt different. I was going into foreign territory and with the thought of Tsukishima there, I was going into enemy territory. 

I pursed my lips and took in a deep breath, trying to get my feet to move past the gym door when I felt a hard slap on my back that caused me to stumble forward.

At least I was out of the gym now. Step one, done.

I looked over to see Mishimiya giving me two thumbs up and some encouraging words as she and the other third years began to start their walks home. 

I gave her a half hearted-smile and a thumbs up back.

Shaking my head, I began my walk to the other gym, parting ways with the rest of my team. It wasn’t long before the gymnasium came into my sight, but before I saw it I definitely heard it. The squeaking of the shoes against the court, the various voicing calling the ball, and finally, the blow of their coach’s whistle signalling them to come in. 

My weight shifted from one foot to the other as I debated a few meters from the door if I should go in now or if I should wait. Fortunately, my decision was made for me when a girl with glasses passed by the open gym door and spotted me. She stepped out of the gym and approached me.

“Hi, are you Suzuki Niko?” She asked softly. 

She was really pretty. 

“Uh-yeah. Are you Shimizu Kiyoko? Mishimiya told me to try and find the team manager.” The girl smiled at me.

“That’s me, come on in.”

I followed behind her as we entered the gym. Shimizu told me that I could just take a seat against the wall as the coach finished up talking to the team. 

I slid down the gymnasium wall and set my bag beside me, twiddling my thumbs while their coach gave the guys details about their next practice match. I glanced over and noticed that several of the guys were taking turns looking over at me, probably curious about who the random girl was. 

It felt like ages that the coach was talking. The fake interest I had been putting into my hands and nails faded quickly and I moved on to absent-mindedly twirling the ends of my braids with my fingers. 

Can we please just get this over with?

Finally, he wrapped up his remarks and let the boys go on their way, either home or to continue their practice with me.

One of the players made their way over to me and I jumped to my feet. “Daichi Sawamura! I’m club captain this year! Nice to meet you! You must be Suzuki?” He seemed to be incredibly enthused. 

I flashed him what I considered to be an award winning smile and nodded my head, “Suzuki Niko! Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity! It means a lot to me and the girls’ club!” I beamed as he guided me over to the court. I took a look around and noticed that none of the other guys had left yet. Some were staring and some were chatting with one another, but nobody had left the gym yet. 

Just me... And the entire team. Cool.

“Asahi! Suga! Kageyama! Tsukishima! Over here!” He hollered at the guys. I cringed inwardly when I heard Tsukishima’s name called, and even more so when I looked up and saw that stupid fucking face on his face. While, yes, the height difference between the two of us made it so that he was technically always looking down at me, but there was something about the way that he carried himself around me that truly made it feel like he was looking down on me, like he just knew he was superior to me in every way possible. 

The four of them jogged over to us and we went through the pleasantries of introductions. I noticed that the rest of the team was still hanging around the gym, failing to act casual while trying to figure out who I was and why I was here. 

“… So if you guys don’t mind, after practice we’re going to be blocking for Suzuki.” Daichi explained.

Tsukishima groaned, “Why can’t she practice with the other girls?” He asked sourly. 

“Hey! Tsukishima! Are you questioning your senpai?” One of the boys jokingly yelled from the sidelines.

“Is she so terrible at volleyball that the girls are trying to pass her off to us? Do you really need me here? She’s never going to get through our blocks. I mean look, her head barely passes the bottom of the net.” Tsukishima said in an icy, condescending tone. 

Daichi glared at him and he backed down, but still holding a cocky smirk on his face, “The girls don’t have as much height as they normally do, especially compared to some of the other schools that they’ll go up against in tournaments,” Daichi explained to Tsukishima, trying to get him to understand, “Michimiya asked me if I would be willing to help them out, and I am. And since I am your captain, you’re going to help too.” He said sternly.

The other three boys looked to me like deer caught in headlights, unsure about what to do. The gray-haired Suga slipped beside me and put a hand on my shoulder, “Don’t mind him- he’s normally not the nicest.” He said, trying to comfort me.

I shrugged it off, “Yeah, I know.” I sent a sour look towards Tsukishima and the boys all looked back at me, “Nothing I haven’t heard from him before. It’s whatever guys- truly.” I smiled at them and their shoulders all relaxed. 

“Okay, good. We didn’t want you to get scared off from this on night one,” Asahi laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck. The group began to disperse- Suga and I on one side and the other four ready to block me on the other.

Tsukishima sighed as he went under the net and shot me a look, “Whatever, Mousey. Let’s just get this over with.”

For the first time, I agreed with him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuki's first practice goes about as well as she expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :))) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!! My goal is to update at least once, if not twice a week since the chapters aren't incredibly long (imho)!!
> 
> Lots of love and happy holidays!

By the end of the first practice I felt completely defeated. 

I was never one to rave about my volleyball talent. I was by no means a bad player, if I do say so myself, I would even go as far to say that I am quite good at volleyball. Along with being naturally competitive and having the drive and passion, I did have some skills. In junior high, I was definitely one of the better wing spikers in the league and my serves and receives had become an excellent weapon in my playing arsenal. But that all seemed to change once I got to high school.

It’s easy being one of the older, more skilled players in junior high. You naturally have the upper hand when it comes to experience and literal growth. But the tables are turned as a first year in high school. Suddenly I felt tiny again. I felt clumsy, and left behind. The girls who were late bloomers that I could block last year suddenly gained inches on me, and looked down on me when they blocked the ball. 

I was never one that other teams cowered from- I was no genius by any means. But being on the court with girls two years older than me, two more years of intense experience under their belts, made me realize just how much farther I had to go before I could become the best player that I could be.

The feeling of not being good enough to stand on that court felt amplified by hundreds while I practiced with the guys. With the exception of Suga, the other guys held a good 6 inches over me, with Tsukishima being nearly a whole foot taller than me.

Of course I never got past their blocks. Not even once. Especially their arms held above their heads, I felt trapped, like I was locked in some sort of demented volleyball cage that I would never be able to break out of. 

But I did my best to not let them see me crack. With each ball that ricocheted off their hands and back on to my side of the court, I let the feelings of disappointment slide off of me, like water off of a duck’s back. Each time I would do a half jog back, grab another ball from the basket, and ask Suga for one more. 

There was no feint, no cross shot, no straight, no nothing, that I could get past the three titans that towered over me. But still, I asked Suga for one more. 

After about an hour and a half, I landed back on the court and I didn’t ask for one more. My legs shook slightly as I rested my hands on my knees. I felt like if I tried to walk my feet would simply just detach from my body, and I honestly wouldn’t mind- the constant jumping made them ache to the point of near numbness. 

The four of them stood silently, watching as I catched my breath for a moment. Wiping the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand, I let out a deep sigh.

“I think that’s it for me today. My tank is empty,” I straightened myself and looked towards the four boys, giving them a curt nod, “Sorry. I’ll see you all tomorrow if you’ll still have me.” I glanced at Tsukishima and even if it was only for a split second, the look on his face was the final straw for the night. All of the disappointment I thought that I had just brushed off had actually pooled around me. His condescending, tight-lipped look told me that he won tonight. And he was right- he did. I couldn’t make a break, and that ate me up from the inside out.

Daichi nodded back, “We’ll see you tomorrow-” 

I barely let him finish his sentence before I sent one more polite nod their way and spinning on my heels, frustrated and flustered as I grabbed my practice bag and made my way towards my bike. I tried to keep my cool as best as I could but my vision started to blur from the tears that began to well up in my eyes.

Of course I wasn’t expecting the first practice to go my way. It was just an incredibly harsh reminder as to how much I actually suck at volleyball. I wasn’t a quitter- and I was going to keep coming back until they told me to stop, or until I got better at fucking volleyball. 

My hands trembled slightly as I took off my bike lock and I wiped my nose with the back of my jacket sleeve.

God, you’re such a baby, Niko. Get a grip, I thought to myself, just be better next time. 

With one final huff I mumbled to myself, “Water off a duck’s back,” and put the kickstand up.

As I was about to hop on my bike, I heard a voice calling behind me.

“Suzuki! Wait!”

It was one of the boys. Fuck. 

I quickly wiped away the few tears that had fallen and tried to compose myself- the last thing I wanted was to come across as some sort of whiny baby on the first night. I turned around and saw Suga jogging towards me, my water bottle in his hand.

“You, uh, left in such a hurry that you forgot this,” Suga smiled as he handed me my water bottle.

“Oh. Sorry about that,” I sheepishly took it from his hand, “Thank you.” 

I was about to get back on my bike when he spoke again, “You did good tonight! You have a great arm.” He continued to beam at me. 

I sighed and looked down at my scuffed running shoes, “I could have done better,” I mumbled, brows furrowed. I looked back up at him with a tight and polite smile on my face, “Anyways, thanks for agreeing to help me practice.” I swung my leg over my bike and put a foot on one of the pedals before Suga spoke again, this time placing one of his hands on my handlebars to stop me from trying to go. 

“I mean it, you’re a great player! Tonight was your first night against guys that are probably taller than most girls you’ll ever face on the court- don’t be so hard on yourself!”

There was something about how kind and genuine Suga’s smile seemed that made me relax my shoulders and let out a breath. I looked back towards the gym and saw the rest of the guys locking up- Daichi and Asahi heading one way, and Tsukishima and Kageyama walking towards Suga and I. 

“Thank you, Suga. It’s just a frustrating reality-check.”

He cocked his head to the side, confused, “Reality-check?” He asked. Before I had a chance to respond, Tsukishima took the words right out of my mouth as he and Kageyama passed by.

“A reality check that she’s not as good of a player as she thinks she is. That she actually sucks at volleyball and should probably just quit now.” He sneered. 

Kageyama and Suga’s eyes widened at the brash interjection, I just rolled my eyes.

“...You think it would be a safety hazard, wouldn’t you Tsukishima?” I asked.

“What are you talking about? How bad you are?” 

“No,” I answered, “I thought it would be a safety hazard to have shit stacked that high.” I narrowed my eyes at him as I gestured to his height. Kageyama smacked his hand over his mouth to keep himself from laughing, while Suga let a small smile crack on his face but it was quickly covered by a look of sterness.

“You two,’ He pointed at Tsukishima and I, “Knock it off.”

“Whatever,” Tsukishima waved goodbye to Suga and casted another look down on me, “Can’t wait to keep watching you lose tomorrow, later pipsqueak.” 

And with that, he and Kageyama went their separate ways home, leaving Suga and I still standing at the bike rack. 

“I’m sorry. That was rude of me to say to one of your teammates.” I apologized to Suga, my cheeks hot from the embarrassment that I felt. Normally, I wouldn’t care who heard Tsukishima and I’s brief moments of bickering but to have it be not only his teammate, but my current superior, made me slightly flustered and worried. What if he told Daichi and I wasn’t allowed to practice with them anymore? What if he told Michimiya and she kicked me off the team?

My mind began to race as I started spiraling into an overthinking- abyss when Suga began to laugh. I felt like I nearly gave myself whiplash from how fast I snapped my head to face him. 

“Don’t worry about it! That was actually a really good one, Suzuki,” He continued to chuckle to himself, “Tsukishima doesn’t pull his punches with some of his other teammates, it was funny to see you land one back so quickly.”

I gave him a weak smile as I sheepishly rubbed the back of my neck, “Well, I’m no stranger to Tsukishima. We’ve never been particularly friendly, so I can take it.” 

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“We’ve known each other for a long time, ya know? And from day one we’ve just… We’ve just never gotten along. So I’ve had plenty of years to build up a thick skin to his comments. Whether or not I actually have that thick skin is another question, but his words are nothing that I can’t handle. And I have no problem giving it right back to him if I have to- i just prefer to keep it to myself most of the time.” I explained.

“Ah,” Suga nodded as I spoke, “I see.” 

I sighed, “Yeah… Well, thank you again for staying late to practice with me.” 

“Of course! I had fun setting for you tonight,” He beamed at me as he finally let go of my handlebars.

We said our goodbyes and I began to pedal away, barely making it ten meters before Suga called out to me again.

“Suzuki!” 

I stopped in my tracks and whipped my head around, “Yeah?” I called back.

He just looked at me for a moment, with a soft smile on his face before shouting at me,

“I promise you don’t suck!” Suga gave me two enthusiastic thumbs up and I threw my head back and laughed.

“Thank you, Suga! Goodnight!” 

“Goodnight!” He waved another goodbye and with a smile still etched on my face, I finally began to head home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuki's practice continues with the boys and for a brief, unfortunate moment, she thinks about Kei's hands.

After that first night of practicing, I fell into my new routine fairly easily: wake up, go to school, practice with the girls, get my ass whooped by the boys, go home exhausted, repeat.

As the days went on for the first week of extra practices I could feel my feet get heavier and heavier with every step, it even felt like too much effort to push my bike pedals on my way to school. I felt a little better since I had the weekend to recover from my new schedule, but even then I still dreaded walking into the school gates on Monday. 

Tsukishima wasn’t making it any easier either. He hadn’t said anything particularly nastier than the normal back-and-forth we have on the court, but the looks he gave me on and off the court were eating me alive, gnawing on the few shreds of confidence I had left when it came to hitting the ball. After each block I just wanted to smack that bastardly look off of his face, yell at him that it wasn’t my fault that I wasn’t ten feet tall or couldn't magically sprout wings. 

I had warmed up to the other boys, though. Suga, Daichi, and Asahi were always incredibly kind to me during our practices and gave me words of encouragement when I started to feel defeated. Kageyama, on the other hand, was neither encouraging nor cold, just quiet. Like he was just there to do what he was told by his captain. I don’t blame him though, if I were him I wouldn’t want to be spending time after practice just to block for a random girl. 

The school day passed by fairly quickly, and before I knew it the girls were waving me off as I made my way to the other gym. As I walked I watched the sky, looking at the colors change little by little as the sun was setting. This evening it was a bold, burnt orange and the clouds had a golden glow to them. These were my favorite kind of skies. So warm and alive. 

I took in a deep breath with a smile on my face as I bounded towards the gym with a newfound spring in my step, ready to take on the unbreakable block once again. I still knew that today wasn’t going to be any different, I knew that just because the sky was pretty didn’t mean that suddenly I’ll be able to break through- I was just feeling good. Which was nice for a change. I hopped up the steps and kept out of the way as they wrapped up their own practice. I took a seat against the wall and sent Kiyoko a smile and a wave as I laced my volleyball shoes back up. 

Each time I came into their gym I felt a little less awkward, but still felt incredibly out of place. I didn’t like the waiting, the mindless fidgeting as their coach talked to them. I would still very much like to get these practices over with every time. 

As the boys were dismissed, one of the players called for Daichi. It was a short boy with wild orange hair- Hinata Shoyo. I recognized him from class. I had never talked to him but he seemed nice. Loud, but very nice.

“Can I please have Kageyama back? He hasn’t practiced with me in forever!” Hinata whined to Daichi, tugging on the sleeve of Kageyama’s jacket. 

“I practice with you every day.” Kageyama deadpanned, ripping his arm out of Hinata’s grip.

“You know what I mean, you haven’t practiced with me after practice.” Hinata continued to gripe. Daichi looked back at me, then to Hinata and Kageyama, and let out a small sigh.

“Hinata’s right, you two haven’t gotten to practice as much lately. Sorry for stealing him away for so long, he’s all yours tonight.” Daichi patted the two boys on their shoulders and as he turned away, Hinata leapt in the air and dragged his reluctant teammate back on to the court. 

I was still glued to the wall, shifting my weight from one foot to the other as I waited for one of the boys to tell me they were ready for me. As I waited, I watched Hinata and Kageyama quietly as they began to practice.

I had heard about his jump before, but to see it in person was an out of body experience. The kid flew into the air as he hit the ball. He could probably jump over the net if he wanted to. I was completely mesmerized by him and his jump as the two of them continued to practice, Hinata always beaming after each quick and shouting at Kageyama to give him one more toss. 

“How does it feel knowing you’ll never even be close to that.” Someone whispered in my ear. 

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I looked up to Tsukishima, who seemed to have appeared out of thin air beside me. I quickly composed myself and rolled my eyes, “Careful, Kei, by insulting me you actually just gave someone else a compliment.” I kept my eyes on the court, doing my best to ignore his presence. 

“You’re just wasting our time. And our energy.”

“Fuck off.”

“I can’t,” He leaned his back against the gymnasium wall, “I’m being forced to make you think you can play volleyball until you give up on yourself. Which hopefully is any day now.” He tapped his wrist as if he was wearing a watch. 

I turned toward him and mustered up the smarmiest middle finger I could, “Eat shit, beanpole.” I made my way towards the other boys, making sure to bump my shoulder into his (though in reality, it was more like I was bumping into his elbow and upper arm due to the height difference). 

Before I could reach the boys who were about five minutes away from continuing to crush my spirits, I heard my name being called.

“Suzuki!” I swung my head around to see Yamaguchi, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor gathering his things, waving me over. I took a seat beside him.

“Hey, what’s up?” 

He shrugged, “Just wanted to say hi. We don’t… we don’t talk much anymore, you know?”

I nodded, “Yeah. We’re both just busy, I guess. School. Volleyball. All that stuff.” 

After he and Tsukishima became friends, we really… weren’t anymore. There was no particular bad blood between Yamaguchi and I, stuff like that happened. We were only friends to begin with because we were neighbors. He never liked being dragged along to whatever muddy destination I was headed and I never liked whatever game he wanted to play. It happens. 

“Your mom’s garden looks nice. I see you and her working out there on the weekends sometimes when I’m heading out.” 

“Thanks.”

We sat in an uncomfortable silence. 

I took in a deep breath, hating how loud not talking felt, “Um, tell your mom to save me a bowl next time she makes ramen. I could smell it when I came home from practice last week.” 

“Oh, yeah, for sure.” He gave a tight lipped smile.

And again, with the silence. 

Unable to take it anymore, I started to get up when he spoke again.

“I’m sorry about Tsuki. I tell him that he should be nicer to you. He obviously doesn’t listen, though.” Yamaguchi said softly.

“Oh… It’s whatever, really.” I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my head in my arms as I looked over at Tsukishima, who was now talking to one of his teammates on the court. 

“It’s not though. He can be a real jerk.”

“Mhm.” I nodded, still looking at Tsukishima. 

I don’t think I had ever really looked at him before. Like, really looked. I always thought that he was the gangly type of skinny. But in his practice clothes I could see that he was actually quite toned. He had a natural, long line of definition in his calf muscles. 

While he was talking to his teammate he pushed up his glasses.

And his hands are actually really nice too. He had big hands with long fingers. Something about the way that he gently used his ring and middle finger to nudge his glasses back into place was sure yet a little delicate. I bet he has naturally cold hands. And dry too. I doubt he uses moisturizer. My mind began to stray even further. 

My hands are always warm, and kind of clammy. I wondered what it felt like to hold his hand. I wondered, for the briefest of moments, in a dark, dark, moment of weakness, what it would feel like for him to just once be not only nice to me, but affectionate. I wonder-

I think I just had a stroke. 

I shot up from the spot on the floor where I was sitting next to Yamaguchi, my eyes wide as I tried to comprehend what just happened in my mind. 

Not a chance. Not a chance in hell. Nope. Nope! Not happening. 

I just thought about Kei, and for a split second I liked him. 

Oh my god. 

As nonchalantly as I could, I casually walked over to the third years and asked if they were ready to start.

“Yeah, I think it’s just going to be Tsukishima and Asahi blocking tonight, just a heads up.” Daichi said.

“Ok. No worries.” I replied quietly and walked over to the court. 

My face felt like it was on fire and all I could do was stare at the floor. I refused to look over to the other side of the net. It was like a switch I didn’t even know existed was threatening to turn and my brain was doing everything in its power to please, for the love of god, keep it off. I finally tore my gaze from the floor and whipped my head up to the ceiling, letting out an exasperated huff, and slapped both of my cheeks.

Get a fucking grip. 

With another deep breath, I felt better. It was gone. The singular butterfly had been squashed and my annoyance and hatred for that god forsaken tree of a boy had returned. As I opened my eyes, I looked around and saw the guys giving me a weird look. The pink in my cheeks was now not only due to the smack I had just given myself, but embarrassment as well.

“Sorry. Just feeling a little out of it today. I’m good to go now.” I gave them two thumbs up.

The three third years jogged on to the court, making sure to avoid getting hit by Kageyama and Hinata who were practicing fervently. Tsukishima was already beside me on the other side of the net, blocking one of the lights behind him which casted a slight shadow of his own on to me. 

I looked up at him and was met with a bored expression. And then ever so gently, he pushed up his glasses. 

And with that I felt a single butterfly back in my stomach.

This is the worst.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuki tries to deal with her new found feelings for Tsukishima, and she has a possible breakthrough with her spike during practice.

The positive attitude that I had when I first bounded into the gym was smothered by a haze of discomfort and annoyance. Discomfort because the singular butterfly had now started to grow into more of a swarm, and the annoyance was because of that swarm. Not to mention the daily dose of feeling like pure shit every time the ball was smacked back down on to my side of the court. 

Why Tsukishima? Am I really that horrible of a person that the universe decided to punish me like this? I don’t litter. I’m not a puppy-kicker. I’m a generally kind person. What kind of bad karma had I built up for this to happen to me. 

The entire practice I was off my game, and all of the boys knew it. I was getting increasingly flustered because now I felt… ashamed to be doing horribly in front of Tsukishima. He already has the lowest opinion of me, I know that. But now something was telling me that I had to prove something to him, prove that I was worth a second glance. And that was irritating. 

After a few more tosses and blocked spikes I came back down to the floor of the court, fists clenched in frustration. Everyday it's the same. Every practice all I do is get blocked, and it sucks. 

“What am I doing wrong?” I mumbled to myself.

“You’re too short.” Tsukishima said from the other side of the net. I gave him a half-assed glare, along with blowing a raspberry and giving him the finger. 

“I think that you need more of a push.” Someone said from behind me. I spun around and saw Hinata standing there, holding a volleyball against his hip. He walked over to me. “When you’re jumping you go like fwoosh, but you need to make it more like a BOOM.” he waved his arms around animatedly as he tried to describe what he was saying. I nodded along, slightly confused.

“So, if I, uh, need to make my jumps more… more boom. How do I do that?” I asked. Hinata backed up to take his start and asked Suga to set him the ball. As he ran I watched him closely. I noticed that before he jumped he planted his feet hard on the ground.

The boom. 

Suga set the ball and Hinata hit it on to the other side of the court.

“Did you see?” He turned to look at me. 

“Uhm… I think so? The feet, right?” As I said it he grabbed my shoulders and began shaking me as he jumped up and down.

“Yes! Yes, the feet! You saw!” He beamed. 

This kid was a lot. 

“Thank you, Hinata.” He gave me a thumbs up as he went back to practicing with Kageyama. I glanced over at the other guys and we all shrugged to each other.

“Another toss?” Suga asked. 

“Yeah. I guess I need to figure out how to make it go… you know… boom.”

Unfortunately for me, making my jump go boom did not come naturally to me. Try, after try, my timing was completely off. I felt like I kept losing all of my momentum when I stopped to jump, which also made it difficult to even reach the ball at times. But, I kept asking Suga for one more. Finally, after what felt like forever, I saw the light at the end of this dark tunnel that was this miserable practice. 

I tossed the ball up to Suga as I took my start, and when I planted my feet I felt it. I felt the boom Hinata was talking about. I jumped into the air and smacked the ball as hard as I could. Normally the blockers’ hands looked like an umbrella for me- I didn’t have the jumping height that Hinata did so it was harder for me to see past them. But the ball hit the tips of Asahi’s fingers and went out of bounds on the other side of the net. 

I returned to the ground completely silent, looking at the ball. We all were. 

After an entire week of nothing but the ball being slammed back down on to my side of the court, it finally got past them. 

“Fluke.” Tsukishima said. 

“Probably,” I nodded, still looking at the ball, “But I don’t care. Still happened.” I looked over at him and I smiled. Not one of the sarcastic, shit-eating grins that I normally sent his way when we were trying to piss each other off, but an actual smile. Beaming, even.

He didn’t smile back.

“See!” I heard Hinata shout, “You jumped with a boom!” 

“I did,” Still smiling, I turned to Suga, “One more?” 

He nodded, grinning as I grabbed another ball from the basket. Tsukishima was probably right. It was probably a fluke, but it still felt really good to get one over. I took my start, still beaming, and went in for the jump. 

But there was no boom this time. I stopped a little too hard and tripped over my own foot. I stumbled forward and grabbed the net before I could hit the floor. 

“See?” I steadied myself and looked at Kei, giving him a deadpanned look. He just shrugged and pushed up his glasses. 

Out of my control, I felt my cheeks get just the slightest bit warm. I huffed and spun around on my heels as I grabbed another ball. It was slick in my now clammy hands.

Do not have any control over myself anymore? Is this how it’s going to be? What- he just pushes up his glasses with those fucking hands and suddenly I can’t function?

Shaking my head, I turned back around and put the ball back, “I know that I kind of ate it on that last one, but I think we should end here for tonight. On a higher note.” I looked at the guys, hoping to get their approval. I didn’t really care if we ended on a high or a low note. I wasn’t tired either. But this new… distraction was going to cause major problems if I didn’t get it under control soon, and if we kept practicing he would just continue to throw me off my game. 

“Sounds good,” Said Daichi, “I’m getting pretty tired anyways.”

“Ok. Cool. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Actually wait. We have a practice match tomorrow, I forgot to tell you.” He explained, “So I don’t think we’ll be able to practice with you tomorrow.”

“Oh,” I blinked, “No worries. Wednesday then?” I asked.

“Sounds good. See you then, Suzuki.” The third years waved me goodbye as I went over to my bag, changing my shoes.

Hinata and Kageyama were also packing up their things and we ended up walking out of the gym at the same time. The three of us fell in step as we walked towards the bike rack.

“You have a good jump, Suzuki,” Hinata said, breaking the silence, “Not as good as mine, but still good.” 

I laughed at his shameless statement. It was true, but it was sort of amusing seeing someone so confident, “Thanks. And you’re right, my jump is nowhere near yours. I’m pretty sure you could jump over the net if you really tried.” 

“He did,” Kageyama interjected, “And he failed. Got tangled up in the net and we all had to help get him out without him falling and cracking his skull open on the floor.”

I slapped my hand over my mouth, trying to keep my laughter contained, but I failed and soon erupted into a fit of giggles, “No way! Did he even get close?” I asked.

“Not really.”

“I was so close!”

The two responded at the same time.

“Don’t lie, boke! You basically just jumped right into the net!” Kageyama grabbed Hinata by his head and shoved him.

“Liar! I was this close to clearing it!” Hinata held up his fingers, showing me how close he had gotten, and his thumb and his index finger were nearly touching.

I smiled and rolled my eyes, “I think Kageyama might be the one telling the truth here, Shoyo.” 

He huffed and crossed his arms, storming ahead of us to the bike rack. I glanced over at Kageyama, his hands were in his pockets and he was looking straight ahead.

“I didn’t realize I had been stealing you away from your buddy.” I nudged him to get his attention.

“I was happy to have a break from him. He never shuts up.”

“Mhm.” I nodded.

“You and Tsukishima don’t get along.” He stated. A little out of the blue.

“Observant. Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out, though. I think that if he looked at my long enough he would burn holes through my head.” I chuckled. I looked over at Kageyama once again and saw him crack a smile, but it quickly disappeared.

“I don’t like him either.” 

“Yeah.” 

We continued what was left of the walk to the bike rack in silence. Hinata had already taken the lock off of his bike so he and Kageyama continued on their way to the school gates.

“Good night Suzuki!” Hinata waved goodbye.

“Bye.” Kageyama nodded at me, and the two of them headed off.

“Later guys!” I waved back at Hinata. Unlocking my bike, I then threw my leg over and steadied myself. I dug through my book bag for my headphones, silently cursing myself out for always throwing them in there instead of in a pocket- my bag was an abyss of loose papers and stray pens without caps. After shuffling a few things around I found them and pulled them out of my bag. 

As I put them in I heard footsteps coming from behind me. I looked up and Tsukishima passed by me, wordlessly.

“Hey.” I said without thinking. I mentally smacked myself. Why did I say hey?

He didn’t even turn around when he responded, “What?” Tsukishima continued to walk away from me. I had to think of something quick to say. I don’t even know why I said hey, I just… I think that I just wanted to talk to him. Unfortunate. My eyes darted around quickly, trying to think of what to do when I landed on something swinging on the back of his backpack- a dinosaur keychain. Perfect. 

“Nice keychain.” 

His pace didn’t falter for a second, i didn’t even think he was going to respond. But then he turned back ever so slightly and said, “Eat shit and die, Suzuki.” He raised his hand to give me the bird.

I let out a laugh as I put my kickstand up and put my feet on the pedals. I pedaled forward and as I passed him I put my middle finger in his view.

“Eat shit and live, Kei.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuki has two breakthroughs. Not only with her jump, but a sliver of hope for a normal conversation with Tsukishima.

The next day at school I felt relieved. No extra practice today.

I tossed my book bag on the floor next to my desk as I slumped down in my seat, stretching out my tired legs as I looked up at the ceiling. The lights in the classroom were off, only the beams of the sunlight lighting up the classroom. It was nice not having the harsh fluorescent light from above strain my eyes as I spaced out, counting the tiles on the ceiling. 

“Suzuki!” Hinata smacked his palms down on the top of my desk.

“Good morning, Shoyo.” I took my gaze off of tile twenty-four and was met with the grin that always took up the entirety of the bottom half of his face.

“I forgot to finish the last part of the homework from last night, could I see yours?” He asked.

I sat up in my seat and grabbed my book bag. I nodded as I rummaged through the bag and pulled out the homework and handed it to him.

“Thank you!” He frantically scribbled in the answers he had left empty, which I could see was far more than just ‘the last part’ before our sensei walked back into the classroom. Hinata stuck his tongue out of the side of his mouth when he concentrated, and he furrowed his brows. 

Resting my chin in my palm, I studied him as he raced to copy down my answers. He finished scribbling in the last of the homework. 

“Thank you, Suzuki!” He slid it back over to me. I thought he was going to go sit back at his own desk, but he stayed, leaning against the closed book I had in front of me.

“How do you jump so high?” I asked, breaking the silence. He perked up his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side.

“I just jump. I want to jump the highest so I do.” Hinata made it sound so easy. Like it was that simple.

“Hm,” I nodded, “So I guess all I need to do is want it more?” 

“Exactly!” Hinata stood up from my desk, “If you want to jump higher, just do it!” He walked back over to his desk, taking his freshly finished homework with him.

I slumped back down in my seat, “Sounds easy enough.” I mumbled to myself. Who knew, that all I had to do was want to jump higher and poof, I’d be a pro.

\---

The rest of the school day went by, and soon enough I was back in the gym with my own team, jogging our warm up laps. One of the other first years was keeping pace with me aws we made small talk about our day.

“So how are things going with the guys?” She asked.

“Okay, I guess. Could be better, could be worse. Or I guess I could be better.” I let out a little laugh. Once we finished running we sat down and began our stretches. 

“So are they as good to look at as some of the girls have made it out to be?” She leaned over to one side and stretched as she grabbed her foot.

“I guess. I don't know,” I slid my fingers on the floor as I stretched down, “I haven’t really been thinking about that kind of stuff. I mostly just want to get practice with them over with every night.” That was a lie. I tried to fight it but I felt my cheeks warm up a little bit, thinking about how I did find a particular blocker fairly attractive now.

She hopped to her feet and looked down at me, “Bummer, I kind of wanted some hot gossip.” She threw me a smile and a wink as she walked over to some other girls on our team. I soon followed after her, every one now getting on the line and warming up their serves and ready to start practice. 

Practice went by in a blink, we did two-on-two games for nearly the entire time. By the end, we were all either on the floor or resting our hands on our knees, trying to catch our breath. Water bottle in hand, Michimiya walked over and took a spot next to me against the wall.

“You’ve been getting a lot better.” She said.

“Thanks. They’ve been working me pretty hard over there.” We both chuckled. I let my back slide down the wall as I continued to try and catch my breath. We rarely did two-on-two in practice, let alone for the entirety of practice. We were done for the night, but after some girls had gained control of their heartbeats again they made their way back to the court, still eager to practice on their own.

“I thought they would all be too tuckered out by now.” Michimiya said, still sounding out of breath. But the grin she had on her face told me that she also wanted to keep going. 

I did too. I rested my head against the wall and looked out the open doors, wondering if the boys would be back from their practice match yet. 

“Hey Miya,” She looked over at me, “I think I’m going to go practice in the other gym. I want to work on my jump but I don’t want to get in the way of a ball, ya know?” I pushed myself off the ground as I grabbed my bag. She waved goodbye as I bounded out of the gym and left the rest of the team to their individual practices.

I was a little nervous that the boys would already be back. If they were then I would just head home, probably. I don’t even know if I’m allowed to be in their gym without them.

But nevermind sweating the small things-it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?

I slowed my pace as I approached the gym, straining my ears to see if I could start to hear anything. But all I could hear was the sound of my feet hitting the pavement and the swishing of my water bottle. Even the lights were off in the gym. 

Pushing the gym door open and flicking on the lights, I rummaged through my bag for my phone. I knew that the other gym had a spot where I could connect my phone to the speakers throughout the gym, and I wondered if the guys’ gym was the same. I figured the first place to check would be the equipment room, since that’s where it was in the other gym. 

Thankfully the door was unlocked and I was right, plugging my phone into the aux cord and putting on one of my workout playlists. I turned up the dial so that the music was just loud enough to drown out the sound of any jumping doubts I had. Looking around the equipment room I spotted the white chalk that was used to line the fields during baseball season and carefully dragged it out of the room and to the side of the gym. 

I didn’t even bother setting up a net, all I was going to be doing was seeing if I could jump any higher than I already could. I looked up at the backboard of the basketball hoop and dipped the tips of my fingers into the white powder. Slowly backing up a good distance away from the hoop, I took my running start. I must’ve misjudged the distance because my first jump was way too late, and all I hit was the wall. 

It took me a few tries to even graze my fingers against the bottom of the board. Can I really not jump that high? After a couple more attempts and still barely just touching the bottom of the glass, I smacked my cheeks out of frustration. 

This is so fucking stupid. It’s just jumping, so why can’t I do it?

I thought back to what Hinata had said in class, about wanting it, which just made me feel worse- because I did want it. I so badly wanted to jump higher and to be the best, but I simply just wasn’t. 

Backing up once more, I looked at the backboard and thought about the guys. I’m sure that all of them could touch the backboard with ease. Hinata, of course, could hit it because his legs were basically made of springs. And for the most part, the rest of the guys had the advantage of being tall. 

I bet Tsukishima could even hit above the hoop, I thought to myself.

I used both of my hands to smack myself again. Why couldn't I stop myself from thinking about him? He’s just an asshole. That is all he will ever be to you, and you will only be… nothing to him. 

It was hard to think about that last part. But it was true, I would never be anything in his eyes. According to him, I suck at volleyball. 

I began to think about all of the ways that he had told me that I sucked, and looking at how far away the hoop felt, I started to believe him, just a little bit. If I couldn’t jump, there was no reason for me to be in the line-up, or even on the team for that matter. And if I wasn’t playing volleyball, who was I? 

My thoughts began to take a downward spiral as I crouched down, burying my face in my hands. It shouldn’t be this hard to jump off of the fucking ground. 

So the music obviously wasn’t helping to keep away the negative thoughts.

I took a deep breath in and screamed into my hands, releasing all of the pent up frustration that had been building up for the past week. 

With that, I shot back up and decided to try one more time. I dipped my fingers into the chalk once again and stormed back to the court, determined that this was going to be the jump. I zeroed in on the glass backboard and began to run.

I could feel my feet pounding against the court, the heavy vibrations shooting up through my body. With one final hard step, I jumped straight into the air, stretching my arm as long as I could. Smacking the glass with much more force than before, I came back down and shook out my hand, stinging from how hard I had hit the backboard. Tears had even begun to prick my eyes, but I don’t know if that was from the pain in my hand or how it felt letting all of that frustration go. 

Looking up at the backboard, my mouth fell open. 

It was the highest I had hit so far, and probably the highest jump I had ever done in my life if I’m being honest. The tips of my fingers had left dust in line with the rim of the hoop. 

All of the anger from before washed away. I melted into a fit of giggles and a smile stretched across my face so wide that I thought it was going to burst from my face. I jumped around, giddy with excitement and pride. Although it had only been a week or so of practices, it had felt like ages since I had truly accomplished something.

“Wow,” I said to myself, “Wow, wow, wow.” Still smiling, I paced around the court, my eyes locked on to the specs of white against the glass.

I stopped pacing for a moment, but my body was still bubbling over with energy and excitement.

Do it again, I thought to myself. 

Finger tips once again coated in chalk I practically skipped back on to the court and bounced in place, my body refusing to stand still. I bounded my way to the backboard, doing my best to mimic what I had done before. I planted my feet hard before I sprung up into the air, slapping the glass once more. 

I hit around the rim again. It wasn’t a fluke. 

I threw a fist up into the air, “YES!” 

This felt so rewarding. The feeling of being able to do it again because it meant that I could do it. I wasn’t able to do it just because I was releasing frustrations but I could actually jump that high. 

I was practically dancing under the basketball hoop when I realized I wasn’t alone anymore. I had been so focused on making the jump again that I blocked the rest of the world out, more specifically the group of boys that had gathered by the still open gymnasium doors. 

My pride had quickly turned into embarrassment as I sprinted into the equipment room with the chalk, turned the music off, and ran back out. 

“I’m sorry! I know you said that we weren’t practicing tonight but I needed the space to practice my jumps.” I sounded like a blithering idiot as I went to grab my things. 

Some of the boys just stood there with blank faces, unsure of what to do, while others- like Daichi and Suga- were grinning. Tsukishima was also smiling. But not like Daichi and Suga who smiled like they were proud, his smile was more of you-just-got-caught-doing-something-and-now-you're-embarrassed smile. 

“I didn’t know you could jump that high.” Daichi said.

I looked up at him as I was shoving my shoes into my bag, “Neither did I.”

Gathering the rest of my things I stood up and nodded to the rest of the team, “Sorry for intruding on your court. I’ll get out of your hair now.” I squeezed through and started down the steps when Yamaguchi called for me.

“Suzuki wait!” I looked over my shoulder as he reached for my arm, “Wait a few minutes and I’ll walk home with you?” He asked.

“Oh,” I nodded, “Okay. I’m going to go get my bike while you guys, uh, while you guys finish up.”

Their coach had already wrapped up the team meeting by the time I got back, and I saw Yamaguchi and Tsukishima waiting by the gym doors for me. I sighed, forgetting that the two of them normally walked to and from school together.

“Ready?” Yamaguchi asked as he pushed himself off of the wall. 

“Yup.”

The three of us walked in silence for a while, not having much to say to one another, I guess. After about ten minutes I cleared my throat.

“So, uh, how long were you guys standing there?” I asked.

“Oh, not lo-” Yamaguchi began to say before Tsukishima interrupted him.

“Long enough to see your meltdown before you made that jump.” He snickered.

My face felt like it was on fire. They saw that?

“Well, that’s embarrassing.” I mumbled.

“Yeah, it is.” 

I reached around Yamaguchi and smacked Tsukishima in the back of the head, “Fuck off.”

They both looked at me, mildly stunned for a brief moment as we walked. While Yamaguchi soon started to laugh, Kei only sent me a glare. But after that the air felt a little lighter around the three of us. We continued the walk home and made small talk, but it didn’t feel as awkward as it had been the past few years. Tsukishima and I were even able to talk about one of the other kids we used to play volleyball with. 

“Do you know where Goshiki ended up?” I asked.

“Shiratorizawa.” Was all he said.

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

Even though it was barely enough words to make two complete sentences, it felt nice to talk to him without him calling me a dumbass, or a crime against volleyball.

It felt like a start.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when things are looking up, they have to come crashing back down

The next two weeks went really well, actually. My practices with the boys were starting to get better- having my newly found height was a big help. Instead of dreading the second practices, I noticed that I was actually beginning to look forward to them. Each day I waved the girls goodbye and skipped my way to the other gym, now being greeted by a chorus of hellos and heys from the team.

It felt nice, making friends with some of the guys. Hinata and I now talked with each other more in class, and he had even started eating his lunch with me some days. He was really chatty, but I didn’t mind-I knew that I was incredibly guilty of going off on long tangents quite a bit. 

Before the second practices began I found myself chatting more and more with Kiyoko, which in turn led me to drawing the attention of two second years on the team- Tanaka and Nishinoya, who immediately interrogated me after every conversation, asking what Kiyoko said. Those two, like Hinata, were incredibly loud- but they were also pretty funny. 

What I was happiest about was after the practices. 

Yamaguchi started to stay behind to practice his serves, which meant that he always asked if I wanted to walk home with him. Tsukishima always groaned when I agreed, but I felt that I was slowly chipping away at not only his hatred for me, but my hatred for him that a part of me was clinging on to. 

We never said much, but even his silence had started to feel more comfortable- it became less out of annoyance and more so that he just didn’t have anything to say to me. Yamaguchi and I did most of the talking on the walks home. We spoke about classes, volleyball, our families- Tsukishima even chimed in occasionally, though it was still usually a snarky remark.

But I didn’t mind. I just liked to hear him say things other than him telling me how much I suck, or how much of a piece of shit I was.

Over the weekends, we had two more practice matches and while I still had a long way to go with my spike, there was definitely an improvement from the first practice match. I noticed that I felt more confident in my jumps, something I didn’t realize I was lacking before. While a lot of them were still blocked, I was happy that a decent amount were getting through.

Everything about those two weeks pointed towards things looking up- I was playing better, Tsukishima was tolerating me, I was making friends with the other guys. I truly thought that it was a turning point for my own personal season. 

But I was wrong. Like, really wrong. 

I didn’t practice with them on Monday because they had another practice match, which was fine with me, I could use a break every once in a while. 

But Tuesday was very, very bad.

It started with one of the tires popping on my bike while I was riding to school- always a bad omen.

This caused me to be late, since it was obviously a quicker journey on my bike than it was on foot. As I sprinted through the building, running up the flight of stairs to get to my classroom I slipped on a step and hit my knee hard enough on the edge of a step to leave a lovely bruise.

Along with the black and blue below my knee, I had gotten a quiz grade back and even though I thought I had done well, there was a big fat “C-” in chunky red marker written on the top. Not one of my finest grades.The day had put me in an incredibly sour mood. Practice with Michimiya didn’t go very well either, with each jump I took there was a slight sting in my leg from the pressure I was putting on my bruised knee, but I just muscled through it and kept going, forcing myself to work harder and harder.

There was still hope for the day, I told myself as I walked over to the other gym. Things could turn around and I could have a good practice, or maybe Tsukishima would be in a particularly good mood and be nice to me.

But that was not the case.

The little bit of progress I felt that I had made crumbled the second I walked into the gym. He was passing by the open doors and when he saw me he let out an aggravated sigh, “Don’t you have your own team?” 

So tonight wasn’t going to be any better than the rest of my day, huh.

The rest of the guys had begun to filter out of the gym except for the third years, Kageyama, Hinata, and Tsukishima. I guess Yamaguchi wasn’t doing extra practice today. 

Hinata and Kageyama were doing their own thing while the rest of us did ours. 

After about fifteen minutes of practice my knee started to feel worse, but I did my best to not let it show. It didn’t matter much anyways, my jumps were grade-A trash tonight, and all of the guys could see that. And Tsukishima had no problem letting me know how bad I was doing, saying something under his breath after every bad shot.

With each jump I became more and more frustrated. Today just fucking sucked.

“One more.” I huffed at Suga as I backed up to the line.

I tried my hardest to continue to push the stinging pain in my knee aside as I began to run back up to the net, Suga about to set the ball. As I took my final step before my jump, I looked up at the ball and briefly glanced at the blockers. That was a mistake. He had on a shit eating smirk and it took my focus away from the ball for a split second. I completely missed the ball when I jumped and to humiliate myself even more,I felt my knee give out beneath me, causing me to slip backwards and fall on my ass, rather hard too. 

“Fucker!” I shouted as I hit the floor. Fists clenched by my side, I closed my eyes and tried to regain my focus. This is so embarrassing. 

But the final straw was the laugh that I heard bursting from the other side of the net. The two third years were standing there quietly, not incredibly concerned since it was just a slip, and Suga had his hand out to help me up, but Tsukishima was laughing and shaking his head. 

I shot a glare up at him as I grabbed Suga’s hand.

“You okay?” Suga asked.

“I’m fine. Just messed up my timing. Sorry.” I responded curtly. 

“Wait,” Suga put a hand on my shoulder and turned me around to face him, “Are you crying?”

Was I? I brought my hand up to face, dumbstruck. I was crying. Not a lot, but my cheeks were definitely getting wet. 

“Oh.” Was all I said as I wiped my tears away. Tonight could not get any worse. 

“Did you hurt yourself?” Daichi asked as he came on to my side of the court, he motioned towards the bruise below my knee.

“Oh, I just tripped earlier today, I’m fine though,” I shrugged, “Like, it’s obviously not a nice feeling to slip and fall on your ass but I’m fine. Maybe I just landed in a funny way on my tailbone. Like when you accidentally hit your nose in just the wrong spot and your eyes start water really bad even though it doesn’t really hurt. I don’t know.” I tried to play it off as cool as possible. Even Hinata and Kageyama had paused their practice and were watching the events on the other side of the court unfold.

First of all, I hadn’t even realized I was crying until Suga said something. The fall did hurt a bit, and my knee was now screaming at me to stop. But I didn’t know how to tell them that I think I was crying in part because of pure frustration and embarrassment. Telling them would only make me more embarrassed. 

The third years gave me a pat on the back and I took a breath, trying to find it in me to keep pushing myself. 

“God, you’re such a baby.” 

I looked up and saw Kei on the other side of the net, arms crossed as he glowered at me. 

“Tsukishima, she messed up and fell, she can be upset if she wants.” Daichi tried to wave him off.

“Why am I a baby?” I took a step towards the net, matching his glare with my own, hand on my hip and cocked to the side. 

He scoffed at me, “Look at you. You can’t do anything on your own. You need constant reassurance. I mean, you were about a split second away from throwing a temper tantrum over a missed ball that wasn’t even going to make it past us anyways. Just last week we all saw you throw that fit while you were by yourself practicing your jumps,” He ducked under the net, still holding a glare but a grin had now creeped across his face too, “Plus let’s be honest, you look like you’re still holding on to some of that baby fat too. Tch, tch, tch.”

That was uncalled for. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut as all the air left my lungs, my mouth slightly agape. I cannot believe he just said that.

“KEI!” Daichi yelled. 

“Maybe that’s why you can’t jump high enough. Too much holding you down.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I mumbled as I dragged my hands down my face, wiping away the stray tears that I was incredibly aware of this time.

Everyone in the gym was silent, not quite sure what to do. Daichi made a move towards Tsukishima to grab him and probably drag him outside to scold him, but I didn’t let him get that far before the bubble of rage inside me burst. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I shouted as I grabbed a volleyball from the basket beside me and chucked it at him as hard as I could. It hit him in the gut and he keeled over slightly. “God, you absolute garbage piece of shit, Tsukishima Kei. What the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with you?” I stormed towards him, fully ignoring the pain in my leg, “You are literally such an asshole to me all the time. For what? I get that we’ve never gotten along, but holy hell, were you dropped on your head as a child?” 

He stood up straight and looked down at me, eyes a little wider than before and the smile had disappeared. I gave him a shove before I kept going.

“I get it! I’m not the best volleyball player in the world! I’m not even the best volleyball player in this gym!” I looked at the talent around me, “I’m actually probably the worst!” The last part came out a little softer as I let out a laugh because it was true. I was nowhere near the skill level of some of these guys. 

“But at least I fucking try! Is that so horrible? That I try to be good at something I love? Do you wake up every day and think ‘oh boy! I can’t wait to tell Suzuki how much she sucks! I hate her!’ Like do you live for this shit or something? And then you have the audacity to call me FAT? Out of nowhere? Where the hell did that come from? Like does putting me down all the time make you better than me?” 

My chin was basically touching his chest now, and he began to walk backwards, but after years of pent up anger and annoyance I wasn’t about to let him off the hook that easily.

“Like are you fucking dumb? Are you? I know you’re not, you’ve always made a point to prove how much smarter you are than me since junior high. So what do you use that brain for?”, I smacked him up the side of his head, “To think of how to make me miserable? Is that it? What were you thinking before you said that? Huh?” I shoved him again, harder this time. My face was beet red and I was so furious I’m sure that there was smoke coming out of my ears.

He looked at me, bewildered. He pushed up his glasses as he thought of something to say. 

This time there was no swarm of butterflies. But a caterpillar, which still pissed me off. 

“I-” He began, but I cut him off. 

“For the past three weeks I've had to put up with your shit and no matter what I do- whether I’ve just walked in, or I’m talking to Suga, and Especially when we’re practicing you always have that… That stupid fucking face on your face!”

I took a pause to catch my breath, and to wipe the tears away from my cheeks. I’m sure that I looked pathetic right now, I felt pretty pathetic too.

“Do you know how hard it is coming to these practices sometimes?” My voice had gone from a scream to a near whisper, “Every day I just… I just want to prove to you that I’m good. Because I actually care about your opinion, Kei. I don’t know why, I just do. I.. Just for once I want you to tell me that I’m good. And I know you never will, because to you, I will always be the worst. I will always be nothing.” I refused to look up from the floor as I continued to cry.

This was humiliating.

It was like I suddenly realized where I was, and what I was saying. I used the back of my sleeve to wipe away the unfortunate amount of snot that was dripping from my nose as I dared to peek up at him. I couldn’t read his expression, though. I think he just looked shocked. Then, I slowly turned my head to look back at the court, the other five boys just watching. 

“Sorry.” Was all I said before I calmly collected my things and hobbled out of the gym. 

As I limped over to the bike rack I pulled out my phone and texted my dad, asking if he could come pick me up. With a popped tire and an injured knee, I didn’t really feel like making the walk home. 

I made my way to the front of the school gates and took a seat in the grass as I waited for him. Picking at blades of grass I continued to softly sob. I hated days like this. Days that just sucked and there was nothing I could really do about it at this point. I buried my face in my hands and hoped that my dad would get here quickly. I thought about how he would ask me how my day was, and with tears still brimming my eyes I would say it was good, and since he isn’t the observant type he would nod and we would sit in silence for the entire car ride. 

I would walk through the door and go straight to my room and without bothering to take off my practice clothes I would go to bed. Because I just want it to be tomorrow already. Tomorrow would be better. 

Finally calming down a little bit, I brought my knees to my chest and sighed. Closing my eyes, I just tried to control my breathing. I felt bad about blowing up at Kei in the gym. That’s not the kind of person I was, I wasn’t hot headed like that. Normally I would be a peacemaker, not a fighter. But to be fair, he said some things that were uncalled for, too. 

After about ten minutes, I heard the soft hum of the engine to my dad’s car. With one last sniffle, I pushed myself up from the ground and wheeled my bike over to squeeze it in the backseat of the car.

I slammed the door shut and as I went to sit in the passenger seat I saw Kei walking out of the front gates. He stopped in his tracks. We just stared at each other. He looked like he wanted to say something, but before he could, I sat down in the car and slammed the door, resetting my head against the window.

As he pulled out of the parking lot, my dad patted my leg, “How was your day today?”

“Good.”

Out of the corner of my eye I could see him nodding his head. The rest of the car ride was silent.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuki deals with the debris of her explosion from the night before

I didn’t really want to go to school today. I felt better than the night before, but I still felt like shit. 

After my dad and I arrived home I went straight up to my room and right under my covers, still in my practice clothes. But I didn’t sleep. I just tossed and turned the entire night, thinking about practice. I felt horrible.

Confrontation has never been my particular thing. I always did my best to speak my mind and be honest, but I always felt myself holding my tongue because I was terrified of coming off as mean. 

By the time the dull light of the clock on my nightstand blinked 4:00 a.m, I gave up on sleeping and started getting ready for the day. Since I hadn’t done any homework after coming home I finished up some worksheets that were due and even got a little bit ahead by the time I even had the time to wrap my knee, which had now spread into a “U” shape below my kneecap and was a splotchy mix of purple and yellow. 

Very cool, very fun stuff. 

Dad was already in the kitchen, fixing a cup of tea for himself when I went downstairs to get myself something for breakfast. 

“Could I use your bike today?” I asked as I grabbed an orange from the table.

Tea in hand, he turned around and rested his free hand on the counter, “What about your bike?” He took a sip.

“The tire popped yesterday, that’s why I asked you to pick me up last night. Too tired after practice to make the walk home. I’m gonna fix it tonight, though, so I only need yours for today.”

He waved me off as I began to ramble, “Go ahead, it's no worries, angel.” He gave me a small smile then continued to drink his tea. 

“Thanks.” I said as I put my orange in my bookbag. I was definitely going to be early to school, but I didn’t mind.

After putting my shoes on I headed out the garage door in order to grab my dad’s bike. I wheeled it out and as I turned around, shutting the garage door behind me, I looked over and saw Tsukishima walking down the sidewalk, about to open the gate to Yamaguchi’s front yard.

He looked nice in his school uniform, something I rarely got to see him in. 

I had to stop myself from physically smacking myself upside the head for thinking that. This would all just be so much easier if I just hated him, the way that he hated me. But some sick, twisted part of my brain decided to switch on and make me suffer. 

We made eye contact for a brief moment, but I paid no mind to him.

Was I embarrassed about losing my cool yesterday? Oh, absolutely. I wanted to crawl under a rock.

But was I still pissed? Yeah. 

Wheeling the bike out of the driveway and into the street, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him step away from the gate, walking away from Yamaguchi’s house and towards me. 

I hurried my pace, trying to hop on the bike and ride past him before he could reach me. Swinging one leg over, I only made it one push of a pedal before Tsukishima’s hand swiftly gripped on to the middle of the handle bars. The suddenness of him stopping me threw me off, and I put a foot down on the pavement to balance myself.

I just stared straight ahead, refusing to meet his gaze looking down on me. 

“Is there a password now or something?” I tried to back up and move around him, but his grip was too tight on the bike and feet firmly planted in front of me. 

“Dude,” I sighed, “C’mon. Get out of my way. Please.” I still refused to look at him, but instead of the hard, straight ahead gaze from before, my eyes were just locked on the ground.

“Daichi and Suga said that I needed to apologize.” Was all he said. 

“Ok.”

He didn’t say anything, he was still just standing there.

“So are you going to? Or do you just want me to tell them that you did?” I tapped my foot on the ground. 

“Do you want me to apologize?” He asked in a monotone voice. 

“Do you want to apologize?” I looked up at him, “Like, if you hypothetically decided to be a decent person for a split second, do you even know what you would be apologizing for?” 

He huffed and looked away from me, “Whatever. I’m sorry for implying that you were fat. And I’m sorry that you suck at volleyball. And that you’re a whiny baby that can’t take a joke.” He mumbled the last sentence under his breath. 

“Fucking Christ, Kei,” I finally pushed backwards hard enough on my bike to get it out of his grip, “You’re a shitbag.”

I had barely pedaled past him, raging internally once again, when he shouted after me.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I stopped the bike as he jogged up to me, “I’m sorry. I am, really.”

I rolled my eyes, “No you’re not. And it’s whatever. I don’t care.” 

He scoffed at me, “Yes you do.”    
  
“No, I really don’t,” I put my foot back on the pedal when he grabbed the handlebars again, “Can’t you just let me leave? Like can’t we just agree to hate each other and never talk to each other again? Please?” 

This was getting frustrating. I just wanted him to drop it. Have things be the way that they were before- the only feelings between us being pure annoyance and hatred. 

“You do care, though,” Tsukishima said, “Last night you said you cared about my opinion.”

He had me there. And I didn’t know how to work my way around that one.

“So, I am actually sorry. I… I was out of line. Last night.”

I shook my head in response, “You don’t have to apologize. Like I said, it’s whatever. Can we just drop it?”

“Sure,” He paused before speaking again, “Why do you care, anyways?” 

“Hm?”

“About my opinion. Why do you care about what I think of you?” 

I expected him to be acting smug when I finally tore my eyes from the ground to look up at him. But he seemed like he was seriously asking, his head cocked to the side. 

“Uhm,” I dragged a hand down my face, exhausted from this conversation, “I don’t know. I don’t know why I even said that, because I really couldn’t care less about what you think. Especially of me.” I sneered the last part at him. 

“Oh. Okay.” He took his hand off of my bike for the last time and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Are we done here?” 

“Yeah. I guess.” He gave me a tight lipped smile and turned around, walking back towards Yamaguchi’s house.

I pushed my foot off the ground and finally pedaled away without any interruption. 

What did suck was that with each push, I felt a twinge in my knee. It hurt like a bitch as I biked to school.

I hadn’t noticed the pain too much while I was getting ready this morning, but now I was starting to worry. Next weekend was the Inter High Tournament, and I couldn’t go into it with an injury. As I flew through the neighborhood and towards the school, I thought about what the hell I was going to do. 

By the time I parked my bike at one of the racks near the gym I had made up my mind, and it was a decision I wasn’t thrilled with: I was going to have to tell Miya that I had to sit out practice for at least a few days, until it felt better. On the bright side, this at least meant I had an excuse to not go to my second practice tonight, avoiding the inevitable awkwardness the gym would be filled with after my explosion. 

The entire day I was anxious. Combined with how little sleep I had gotten the night before, all I could do was think about what would happen if I wasn’t able to play in the tournament. I had been working so hard to get better, and it would all be for nothing if my knee didn’t heal up. 

The hours in class seemed to drag on forever, but even once the final chime went off I still had to slowly make my way to the gym, not wanting to irritate my knee anymore than I already had. 

Once I finally reached the gym, I pulled Michimiya to the side.

“Can we talk?” I asked.

She nodded, “Absolutely, I actually was going to ask you the same thing.”

My face fell. Daichi probably told her about last night.

I cleared my throat, “Yeah, so, yesterday before first period, I totally wiped out on the stairs and I thought it was nothing but then as the day went on and as I had my practices it started to hurt more and this morning-” I started to ramble my explanation before she interrupted me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“You need to sit out until your knee feels better. The tournament is next week, and coach and I were planning on having you in the starting line up.”

I nodded.

“Also… I talked to Daichi this morning.” 

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfu-

“He said that you and one of his first years, Tsukishima Kei, got into a bit of an argument last night? What happened?” 

“Oh. Yeah,” I rubbed the back of my neck bashfully, “We’ve, like, never really gotten along and last night he just pushed my buttons a little too hard. It wasn’t really even an argument… It was mostly just me… yelling at him… for being an asshole…” I trailed off.

“Hm,” Miya had a stern look on her face, “Listen, I get that people have their differences, but from what I heard from Daichi, and what I’ve heard from you, that was not okay for you to do. Daichi and I don’t know your backstory with Tsukishima, or whatever, but we,” She waved her arm in a circle above her head, “All of the volleyball players, boys and girls, are a team. Please… be more mature, next time… okay?” 

I let out the breath I had been holding in, “Yep. Yeah. Totally. I know I was super out of line, it was not at all appropriate for me to do that during the practices that they are being super, super nice about doing with me. But Tsukishima and I actually talked this morning and its all good.” I gave her a thumbs up.

Did I agree with her that last night was a bad move for me? Not necessarily. I meant everything I said, but I just wish that I had waited to blow my top at him in a less public setting. But in order to stay on everyone’s good side, I was willing to pretend to take the high road on this one.

“Really?” She asked.

“Yeah, we settled it, or whatever.”

I could tell that she didn’t believe me, but she had a practice to run. 

For the entirety of practice I was stuck sitting on the bench. I could’ve just skipped, but it didn’t feel right not being there. 

After practice ended, I waved the rest of the girls goodbye as I walked over to the bike rack. As I took the lock off, I heard footsteps on the pavement from behind me. 

“Hey.”

I sighed, leaning my head against the handle bars before standing up straight and turning around.

“No Yamaguchi?” Was all I said back to Tsukishima.

“No,” He shook his head, “He’s staying behind to practice his serve some more.”

“Cool.” I pulled my bike out and swung my leg over. I tried to put my foot on one of the pedals, but I let out a small hiss in pain as my knee stung when it bent a little too far.

“Are you good?” He asked. 

I shook my head softly, “It’s just my knee. I kind of ate shit on the stairs before school yesterday and it still hurts. That’s why I fell last night, it gave out.” I mumbled my response. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

We were obviously not good at making normal conversation with each other. All we had done since we’d known each other was hurl insults, it was weird trying to do anything else. 

“Are you going to be able to play at the tournament?” 

I shrugged, “Only if it gets better.” 

Tsukishima fidgeted from side to side, something I had never seen him do before. He looked like he was trying to decide what to do. After a few moments, the classic bored look on his face returned- so I guess his mind was made up.

“Get off the bike.” He walked towards me.

“What?” I just gripped the handlebars tighter.

“Get off. C’mon.” He motioned for me to get off.

Confused, I slowly dismounted, my hands still having a firm grip on the handles.

He scoffed, “Move.” He took the bike from me.

“What are y-” 

Tsukishima swung his leg over the bike, “Get on.” 

“What?” 

He rolled his eyes, “Are you deaf? Get on- you can sit on the back,” He pointed to my dad’s gear rack. My dad liked to bike to the grocery store so he bought one a while ago so it was less of a hassle to carry the bags back. Lucky me, I guess.

I carefully sat down and without really much choice if I didn’t want to fly off the back, I cautiously wrapped my arms around Tsukishima’s waist. I think that I took him by surprise, because he tensed up as I clasped my hands together.

He kicked up the bike stand and pushed off the ground, wobbling slightly as he tried to gain his balance on the bike.

“What? Am I too much extra weight for you to bike with?” I poked fun at him, testing the waters to see what this Tsukishima was like- this oddly trying to be decent Tsukishima

“Shut up.” He huffed. 

“Why are you doing this, anyways?” I leaned over slightly so I could see his side profile.

Finally gaining his balance, he pedaled out of the school grounds, “I’d rather see you do bad at the tournament because you suck at volleyball, not because of an injury.” 

I hummed, “So, just so we’re clear, this is not you being nice to me.” 

“Fuck off.” 

I threw my head back and laughed, then decided to be bold- I gently rested my head against his back as he rode back towards my house. 

I smiled into the back of his jacket, thinking about how nice it felt to have my arms wrapped around him.

  
  



End file.
